Need coffee

Monday morning and I feel like I'm going to keel over.  For those who don't follow us on facebook, I took Zoe to the ER because I felt like she was extremely clammy and she shouldn't be as she's on lasix.  Her hands and feet felt "doughy" to the touch and sometimes wet.  They tested her electrolytes to make sure her potassium levels weren't off.  Just for procedural purposes they have to put an IV line in just in case her balances were off and then they would have to intervene.  Listening to her cry when they put the tourniquet on her, her staring at me with those big blue eyes, almost saying "Mommy why are they doing this" made me break out in tears.  I hate this life for her.  I hate that she always has to be poked, pricked, proded to rule out stuff due to her condition.  I wish I could change places with her.  I feel like I'm more neurotic as a mother with her than I was ever with Zander.  But my philosophy is, I have insurance, and if I'm worried, I'm taking her in.  Better safe than sorry.  They diagnosed her with being sweaty.  She looks great, sounds the same (for her condition), is eating normal, going to the bathroom normal.  We were released around 10 or 10:30 last night.

I'm not really sleeping, and when I do, its a half a** sleep.  So I've been staying up later in hopes that I'll just konk out, but on those nights one of the kids are up.  I'm so out of it.  Just mentally ready for this part of our life to be over.  I don't ever want to have to worry about heart failure.  We've been on this roller coaster ride for a while now, and I'm ready to get off.  I'm ready for Zoe to have a normal sounding heart.  Ready to no longer hear "Wow listen to that murmur". Yes, we will always have to worry due to her being polysplenic about illnesses, but as long as nothing else pops up with her heart, we shouldn't have to worry about heart failure after surgery.  Her duodenal atresia is fixed.  There is that 10% that scar tissue could build up in her intestines and cause problems, but its rare.  And I'm leaning towards its doubtful she'll ever have intestinal issues again.  With Heterotaxy, since each case is different and loads of issues can spring up at any time/point in a child's life, I'm staying realistic that something else could pop up for Zoe later on, but right now, I'm going with the notion that she's going to be A-ok after surgery and lead a normal life.  I just have to get through this week up until the 25th. 

We got our sneak peak's back from our family photo shoot with Cute as A Button Photography.  Here's our photos.  Aren't they amazing????

My neighbor invited Zoe to be one of her models for her store, Farah's Babetique.  Here is one of her photos from the shoot as a rocker by Livy Bear Photography.  Super cute huh? 

I'm off to make more coffee....