A Sunday morning....

Happy Sunday.  Watching Cars 2 with Zander and playing with Zoe on this beautiful morning.  Boy, does it feel like fall outside.  I love it.  Windows are cracked, birds are chirping, and a wonderful breeze is entering our condo.

For the last two days I've been feeling "ok" about everything.  I still have my moments, but I really haven't shed any tears.  Maybe the initial shock has worn off?  Or I'm just realizing that this has to be done in order for Zoe to live.  Regardless, I can't really explain my emotions, but its almost as if I'm at peace with everything (but who knows what tomorrow will bring).

Last night Mike pulled out his stethoscope (FYI he's a firefighter paramedic) so we could listen to Zoe's heart.  It was amazing to hear the difference between Mike, Zander, and then Zoe's heart.  The best way to describe her heart beat is that it sounds very similar to when you have a fetal Doppler used on your tummy while your pregnant.  It sounds so different than ours because there's blood circulating in and around her heart (hence heart failure).  We've been trying to teach Zander about Zoe's "heart boo boo" so we let him listen to her heart then ours.  He knows about her tummy boo boo, but I'm trying to get him to understand she has a special heart and mommy and daddy will be away from him for "x" amount of hours in a month.  He had a terrible time when I was in preterm labor and then when Zoe had her duodenal atresia surgery.  So I'm trying to make him understand her "boo boo".  (everything these days to him is a boo boo....if he bumps his arm "boo boo", if he drops his toy on his foot "boo boo", etc.).


I know she's going to be ok, the only thing I'm fearful of is what if the surgeon "has a bad day" or a "slip up".  He's one of the top cardiac surgeons, but is only human.  Hek, I don't make many mistakes at work, but I do have those moments.  Its just hard to hand over your baby, for a second time, and have faith that these surgeons are going to take care of her and fix her.  Especially for a surgery that is over 4 hours long but really, we won't see her for like 7-8.

These next few weeks before Surgery we're going to do alot of family things.  We're going to go "Day out with Thomas" in a few weeks.  Which I think Zander is going to love!  Just spending time with the three people I love is all that matters to me.  

Thank you all for the sweet messages and donations, it means more to us than you'll ever know!