Emotions...

I've been alot more emotional these last few days due to the anticipation of Zoe's arrival.  For the last few months, Mike and I really haven't discussed the possibility of her not making it.  We haven't discussed what to do medically if a problem arises (i.e. needing a blood transfusion).  We've been so consumed on the facts we know versus all the other possibilities of the unknowns:  organ failure, her heart being more defective than what has been shown, heart needing immediate surgery versus her bowl obstruction, can she live without eating for a few extra days if they need to work on her heart first, if there's liver damage, etc.  Its Congenital Heart Defect month (every February) and I have recently become addicted to Pinterest, where mothers are posting their children with CHD's stories.  I've cried at the happy stories and I've cried at the sad stories.   No one's life is guaranteed, but you also never want to think that your own child that you've been carrying for 9 months, that you love unconditionally, may not make it. 

The thought of me not getting to really hold my baby girl for a long time and her being taken to Children's right away has really hit me emotionally now.  Most mothers get to gaze at their beautiful child's face for hours, and I may only get a glimpse of her before she's transferred.  Luckily, Mike will be able to follow her to the hospital while I recover in the room.  The thought of her having surgery right away and that I can't be there since I'm still recovering, breaks my heart.

Some people have asked if we have everything ready for her.  All we really have done is added a toddler bed to their room.  I haven't bought any clothes (we have received some as gifts), because I don't know what size she'll be when she actually can come home.  Here's some pics of the kids room.  Nothing like a sports/flower & butterfly room. Small but cozy:)

Here's hoping at my doctor's appointment this afternoon there's more progress.  The contractions and cramping have gotten extremely worse each day.  If not, I'll be induced sometime during the week of Valentine's day.  So I'm assuming I have around 16 days or less to go if she doesn't come on her own.

I think Zoe has a purpose in this life.  With her making it to 37.5 weeks, she's obviously one strong little lady.  I think she's gracing this earth to do something very powerful, we just don't know it yet. 

All I can really say is, please don't take one day for granted with any of your loved ones.  These last 3.5-4 months have been so emotionally and physically draining on our family.  Mike and I are so excited to finally meet our precious little girl.  We also can't wait to share her journey with the rest of the world.  And a special thank you to all of you who have followed our journey thus far.  This blog has been extremely therapeutic for me and without the support we have been given, I'm not sure how I would be at this point....so thank you.

And I'll leave you with some pictures of our happy and ever-so energetic little boy. These two guys are my whole world.